feel good.

i'm feeling good. maybe it's because i'm listening to the upbeat song, "I feel it all" by fiest, or maybe it's because i'm excited for the future. I guess you can say that i'm excited for this new year. it feels like this huge bubble is expanding inside of me. not one of those painful gas stomachaches, but a very upbeat, I CAN DO IT sort of aching.

i ache. i'm aching to do well this year. i'm aching to make my parents proud. i'm aching to desire God so that I can fully appreciate why i'm here on earth. i can't go back to where i was. i can't feel the way that i have been feeling for half a year. that feeling of watching everybody rush pass me as they move along happily in their lives, while i stand in place... maybe even moving backward. seeing nothing but the backs of people running into improvements and opportunities. i don't want to be left behind. i wish to move forward also. i wish to jump into situations fearlessly. i wish to be fearless. i wish to fear no one but God.

i want to try. i want to be pushed. i want to expand (not literally). i want to learn. i want to be ready. i want to be prepared. prepared for all the failures and chances.

i don't know what i wish to do with my future. and honestly, i really don't think i have a choice. it's not in my hands. i just need to seek hard and hope to find it.

lord, help me strive to be a better woman in You. help me want to try for You.