confused.

sometimes i wish i wasn't confused all the time. i guess this is a part of being a human being, but it sucks to have to deal with certain issues and things. i know i'm being supah dupah vague, but i don't know what else to say.

i guess.... the grass is always greener on the other side no? there are so many woulda coulda shoulda's in my life that i'm starting to make myself sick. it looks as if i'm stuck on this merry-go-round and i want to get off so bad because i'm getting motion sickness, but lucky me, my feet are glued to its spot. even the great things in my life are starting to blur. it makes me mad because the good things are such GREAT things. things that make me so happy. things that i was always sure of.

you know what's really funny? i'm starting to miss the things that were always bad for me. haha. HAHAHAHAH. lets all laugh at me because i apparently don't have a brain. i think i'm a masochist. i think i like to be sad or something.

and you know who gets hurt through all of this? the people i love. i hurt all the people in my life who are good for me, who love me. dang.

i say this all the time, but i'm just going to say it again. i feel as if i'm just stuck. everyone is passing by me. running past me. and i'm still there, in the same position, in the same spot, struggling to move my feet. i'm trying so hard to grab at my friends, my family, my loved ones, but everyone is slipping past me. it's like a constant whir of people around me, running to their futures and their moments and i'm just standing there watching. i can close my eyes and see it in my mind.







God help me to stop being so selfish. help me to see the greater things in life. help me to grab and cling onto you instead of all the people who are rushing by me. help me to see the good things that you have placed in my life. the good people. the people who love me. help me to stop wanting things that i shouldn't have. help me to wait patiently for you and your answers.