i covet things. i want/desire/die for things that i can't have. it's bad. it's a really really bad issue. i do this because i don't have enough money for anything these days. and it really sucks that things have to come down to money. it's always about money-- at least i make everything about money when it doesn't really have to be.
i like to shop. i love it. i love clothes. i like to make myself feel better by purchasing things. and when i can't, i just become naturally depressed. haha. it's ridiculous, but it's the truth. when i watch people buy things that i wish i could have really puts me down. it's always been like that. i've never really had enough money to buy myself nice things. either that, or right when i get a paycheck, i use it ALL on clothes which causes me to suffer afterwards.
what i'm really trying to think about now is that none of this is gonna come with me when i pass. can i take all of my clothes to heaven? no. can i take all of my most precious things up to heaven with me? no. do little malnourished children have the luxury of buying clothes or even food when they need it?? sighh.. this really makes me reevaluate my life. when i get like this, i just really need to remind myself that i've got it a lot better then some people out there and i should be thankful, not angry that i don't have enough money to buy pretty things for myself.
God, i'm sorry for being selfish and ridiculous. i know i'm human, but help me to work on this whole coveting issue. i love you very much.
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1 comment:
you know.. God tested me once about this.. i was on my way to nyc to shop and i took a $100 dollar bill with me. on my way there i lost it and i was SO miserable. through that i realized how much money has taken over me and he helped me to fix my eyes back on him... but i never learned me lesson..
the other week.. right after i got paid, i used it all on clothes & food. i had to suffer 2 weeks with 4 dollars in my bank account. i coudlnt afford water, so i boiled water and had to drink it hot everytime. i cried.
this week, just when i was THINKING about shopping AGAIN, i LOST MY ATM CARD. i think God is really trying to teach me a lesson & really should start listening to him :(
ughhhhhhh sorry for venting on here all the time.
sunnie i love you alot. bye <3
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