frustrated.

warning: this post is a bit on the majorly depressing side. sorry.

i am so completely and utterly frustrated with life right now. i'm 24 and i'm swimming in a never ending ocean of debt, can't even afford to buy my own food, and i cry when i see things online that i want and know that i can never have. sometimes i wish i had parents that could support me financially, but then i think about so many spoiled people i know and i regret that wish immediately.

it's just that... i've been saying this for the past like almost three years ever since i graduated college. can't somebody just throw me a freaking bone once in awhile? does life always have to be this hard and frustrating? can't i have a little break between the hard times every now and then?

i've been so angry and monstrous lately... it's getting out of control. i have to work out everyday to control my anger and even exercising doesn't calm my mind and heart. i've been memorizing bible verses and every time i feel like my anger is going to be unleashed, i quickly say the words to calm myself. it has been working so far. :)

sometimes i just want to quit everything and everyone and move on. move on to a place where i am free to do as i please. honestly, that place doesn't exist on earth. so, i just gotta work hard at it until i make it to heaven.

pimplies.

i decided to dedicate this outfit post to my monstrous pimple on my forehead. i tried popping it three times and the result was one MASSIVE red mountain resting on my flat forehead. prettttty embarrassing. however, i just brought out my mom's intense acne tool kit and used this crazy needle point/transformers looking thing to alleviate the pimple pressure. whew.

anyway, this weekend was relaxing. watched two movies: crazy stupid love and rise of the planet of the apes. i didn't necessarily want to watch either of them, but they both ended up being really good. It's a short week (well at least for the bf/jason)... i'll be handing in a huge term paper on thursdays class (LAST CLASS OF THE SUMMER!) and will also be taking a final exam. i have yet to start working on both of them... :) After my final class I will be on my way to a friend's beach house and i'm super excited because it will be my 6th (or 7th?) summer being there in a row. GAH SO EXCITED. :D

some picky pics.

what is going on with my face.

I decided to paint my bf's mom an audrey hepburn painting for her birthday.. and after SEVERAL mistakes.. this is the outcome. i didn't want to give it to her because i'm not too happy about it, but after all that time i spent on it--BLAH. pictures are taken at jason's house. also, i might be a tad too obsessed with this purse. whenever i feel depressed that i can't shop because i have no monies........ i always shop in my mother's closet. she'll never know :)

wearing: h&m conscious collection fringe vest, mother's vintage lingerie tank, citizens of humanity jeans, h&m sandals (for a whopping 7 DOLLARS!), mother's vintage cheetah purse from paris (italy? not too sure) LIPSTICK: stila's long wear lip color in exhilarating matte

date night.

jason decided to take me out on a cute date this past friday. we wanted to go to arpeggios so i could get some delicious pita bread and hummus... but the power went out at the restaurant because of the crazy hurricane looking weather. besides for the fact that jason almost DIED from a tree falling on his car and us driving all the way to arpeggios only to hear that the power was out... we had a pretty fun night. we ended up just eating at bertucci's (my former employer HAHA) and the bread was just as good as i remembered. even though i'm not supposed to eat bread... i made an exception and ate 3 HAHA. we headed towards ambler afterwards to get some gelato. by the time we sat with our gelato.. it was pretty much soup and just really messy. oh yeah.. it was 5 bucks too. not even worth it.

grrrr. i love living in the suburbs, but the one thing that pisses me off SO MUCH is that everyone here is so narrow minded. it's so irritating. so what if im wearing bright red lipstick and a see through shirt? that doesn't mean people need to gawk at me and whisper to their wives and even get their children to look at me. get over it. i'm different and not a typical cookie cutter suburbian gal. trust me. i had a stare down with this one man at bertucci's who blatantly laughed at me and whispered to his wife and child and got them to look and laugh at me too. OH WELL. at least God loves me. and at least jason loves me.

warning: picture overkillllll.

wearing: american apparel mesh top, mama's vintage cropped tank, urban outfitters skirt, steve madden strap sandals, mama's vintage bally purse.